A recently married friend was telling me about her experience with Pre-Cana—essentially pre-marriage counseling for Catholics. They meet with religious leaders such as priests or deacons as well as married couples to learn “how it is” once the wedding bells ring.

With millions of people “divorcing” their jobs every month, I began to wonder what it might be like if nonprofits approached their employer/employee relationships with a pre-cana mindset. I have a growing obsession with how nonprofits onboard new staff, and nonprofit pre-cana (NPC) might be the answer to a healthy start for new nonprofiteers—especially because we tend to think about onboarding as starting on an employee’s first day. In reality it begins long before they set foot (or Zoom) in the office.

Traditional onboarding features checklist items like HR paperwork, setting up email, learning about the VPN and shared drive, etc.—all of which happen after you’re committed to the job, at which point it’s too late to turn around. Onboarding is most successful when the foundation for an employee’s success is built strong. How many of you have been excited to join a new organization—only to find that the front desk wasn’t expecting you, IT didn’t have your computer or files prepared, your manager was on a surprise vacation, and someone walks by saying, “Oh you must be the new [name of the last development manager]”?

NPC can help preempt such experiences. Here are three ways social impact organizations might start:

Coffee talk

Getting along with our fellow nonprofiteers is extremely important. No, we’re not a “family,” but we do spend a lot of time with these people, so we’d better coexist well. Before beginning a new role, ask for informal, non-work time with your new co-workers. It doesn’t necessarily need to be in-person, and I’d strongly suggest that you also invite those outside your orbit. For instance, if you’re a fundraiser, ask to visit with people in HR. As best you can, try to steer these conversations as far from work talk as possible—and get to know the people behind the work. (Note: If the big bosses tell you that’s not possible, that might tell you something about organizational culture, and that may be a problem.)

Do an “inlearnship”

Consider pursuing brief, in-house internships where you learn something new about another team’s work by joining or supporting a short-term project. It’s not unheard of in the for-profit world, with companies like Unilever, Spotify, and others offering a “flex-work” approach throughout an employee’s tenure to build and learn new skills. I suggest doing this soon after you start, since the first few weeks (sometimes months) of any new role should be slow and meant for observing and learning. Building on the earlier example, if you’re a fundraiser, ask HR if you can help prepare an updated employee handbook for distribution. These inlearnships are an excellent opportunity to learn about the work that happens around the nonprofit—and the people with whom you’ll spend a lot of time.

Ask for a “bad brief”

Not all employers will go for this, as it’s the most unusual suggestion on this list. The idea is to ask your new/future boss to tell you about the organization’s pain points. It’s important to put these in writing so you have something to go back and review as you settle in. As with most marriages, all partners bring some baggage to the relationship, from small things like an obsession with the perfect temperature to set the thermostat, to massive issues like a mountain of debt. The more you know about these things in advance, the better. One way I’ve done this is by asking new organizations about their “untapped superpowers.” It’s the things they’d be doing if they were firing on all cylinders, framing challenges as opportunities.

Last words

Over the past 20 years working in the social impact sector, I’ve often seen that how we do anything is how we do everything. When most of us begin a new nonprofit adventure, we want all the right, tangible things in place—like a good salary and benefits. However, interestingly, research has found that non-toxic, healthy work environments are “10 times more important than pay” in retaining employees than such tangibles. I believe if we dig into new work with an NPC mindset, fewer nonprofiteers would be running to divorce themselves from work marriages.

Evan Wildstein is a fundraiser and nonprofiteer in Houston, Texas. His first book on servant-leadership and philanthropy will be published in 2023.